DZP is taking a break for Thanksgiving. With all the traveling to see my family and such, I didn’t have time to write a new question. Instead, enjoy this (entirely true!) story.
A man and his son were walking through a store the day after Halloween. The store employees were clearing out the creepy decorations and putting up the Christmas trees and decorations. The two holidays mixing created a dead, winter wasteland that reminded the boy of The Nightmare Before Christmas.
"Dad," the boy started, "Why is the store already putting up Christmas decorations?"
"Well, it is the next holiday," was the father’s response.
The boy looked confused.
"What about Thanksgi-" he started but was cut off by his father putting his hands over the boys mouth.
"No more questions, son!" the father said sternly. "Keep them to yourself until we get back home!"
Once they arrived home, the father shut and locked all the doors and windows and pulled all the curtains.
"Sit down. It is time you learn the story of Cornucopthulu," the father said while taking a seat next to his son. "In times long ago, a beast roamed the earth. Part man, part turkey, part cornucopia, all evil. It fed on thankfulness; if a person was thankful within hundreds of miles of the beast, it would hunt them down and devour them. The last sound to reach their ears before death would be the haunting gobbling. Needless to say, man was very careful to never be thankful. They released plagues upon themselves, creating the Dark Ages, a time when man had very little to be thankful for."
"When word spread of the so-called New World, a secret society who called themselves the Pilgrims wanted to escape and be thankful. They thought they were safe and thus had a celebration, the celebration that you have been taught of called Thanksgiving. What you haven’t been taught, though, was the massacre that occurred after the celebration. The Pilgrims were so thankful that Cornucopthulu was alerted from Europe. It traveled at a rapid rate and arrived just as the Thanksgiving celebrations were ending. Only a select few who were not so thankful since they got the short end of the wishbone survived. Man went back into a state of un-thankfulness which continues today. That’s why Americans are so ungrateful and that is also why stores skip Thanksgiving decorations. They hope people will be so caught up with the greedy Christmas mood that they will forget all about Thanksgiving. That is also why Black Friday was invented. Some people skip Thanksgiving entirely to wait in line to buy shit!"
"Do you understand, son?" the father asked.
"I guess so," the boy replied, "but how do you know all this, Dad?"
The father cried a single tear before saying, “You know how you never got to meet Grandma and Grandpa? Well, I was so thankful the day you were born, Cornucopthulu came and devoured them both.”
The father began to sob and his son hugged him. He tried to comfort him saying, “I’m glad Cornucopthulu didn’t get you daddy. I am so thankful I have you.”
These were the last words the father heard before a horrifying gobbling filled the air.
Come back next week for a real DZP question.